shit fuck shit

how is it possible to gain 4 lbs in one binge?!?!  Last night, I went out after work to applebee's, and of course, my mind goes "oh its fine just eat whatever and get home asap and purge"  well....I got caught up and by the time I got home I couldn't purge.  It was so frustrating.  I felt full, and I tried so hard....but nothing was coming up.  I was so frustrated, but I figured maybe letting myself digest the food would kick-start my metabolism.  Well....I'm 154.2 now.  what. the. fuck.  And today I ate pretty normally, not restricting or purging, and drank a ton of water.  Later in the night, I felt really anxious and just purged anyway.  Now my throat is sore,  I have heartburn, and I had to take a klonopin just to clear my mind a bit.  Plus I have a huge paper I have to get done.  Shit.  Sorry for complaining so damn much, just.....fuck.